JJ Litke

the neural pathways less traveled

Family “support”

by

My daughter earned her bachelor’s  degree a couple of years ago. She works in a research position at a hospital, but she has decided that’s not enough. So she’s started taking post-bacc classes with the intent to go to medical school.

This is a text message exchange we had a few weeks ago:

Her: Enrolled in cellular biology!

Me: Yay, I guess!

Her: I’m gonna be a doctor BE ENCOURAGING

Three things here. One, she recognized my snarky sarcasm (to someone who doesn’t know me, my comment might not sound as bad as it actually was). Two, she called me out for my complete lack of support. And three, my daughter has ambitions of becoming A DOCTOR. Which is simultaneously thrilling and terrifying.

That last bit is significant. When she talks about medical school, it’s scary to me. It’s big, and challenging, and that makes it frightening. I don’t want her to fail. So what do I do? I discourage her. I pointed out the cost, and the time involved, and the required level of commitment. As if she was going to say, oh, gee, Mom, medical school is expensive? I didn’t think of that because it’s such a well-kept secret! Good thing you clued me in!

As I point it out now, it sounds completely obvious and freaking stupid. But we do this to our families and friends all the time. We’re afraid for them, so we try to hold them back to something safer. Don’t start your own business, it might lose money. Don’t move to a new place, you might not like it. Don’t reach too high, you might fall. And that’s it right there. We don’t want them to fall or to fail, so we attempt to steer them to something safe and easy. We sabotage the people we love most in an effort to protect them. It’s sort of horrible when you realize you’re doing it, or that someone else is doing it to you.

So what to do about it: Well, when you’re the one guilty of it, you can try to realize that your fear is the problem, not their ambition. Maybe they won’t fail. Maybe they will, but they’ll learn something else and still make some gain from it. If you believe your concern is based on genuine issues of not being prepared for the step they want to take, help them find the resources they need. (In the example above, if I thought she seriously didn’t know the cost, I could have tried looking at scholarship-related info and sent that to her.)

If someone is doing this to you, recognize their reaction as fear rather than true lack of faith. (And if it’s true lack of faith, that’s a different problem, and you probably need to quit trying to get support from this person.) Gather the resources you need to achieve your goal, and keep moving toward it.

And when all that falls apart and your family sucks at supporting you anyway, try to realize that this is just how families are.

Don’t call me a good girl

by

When something sneaks into your awareness, you start seeing it everywhere. That’s happening to me with the good girl tag in pop songs. And every time I hear it, I hate it a little more.

It seems so innocent. It’s supposed to be a compliment, even. How could good be bad? Because it stratifies women into the Madonna-whore divide. The moment a woman slips from her pedestal, she ceases to be worthy of respect and becomes a filthy whore.

This is actually part of a broader problem in people’s black-and-white view. There are good people, and there are bad people. If you see yourself as good (as virtually everyone does) then the things you do are not bad, no matter how far beyond the bounds of standard behavior. This relates to the concept of bounded ethicality, when “good” people twist the definitions of ethics to justify their own wrongdoing. The really insidious thing about this mindset is how it blinds people from their own behavior–if I am a good person, then nothing I do is actually bad. Nothing.

The other side of this–circling all the way back to where I started–is the idea that if a person does something wrong, I can label them as bad. Now I can freely vilify them. They are bad, they don’t deserve respect. I can treat them however I want. It is, in fact, a just thing for good me to punish bad them.

No one believes they’re bad or evil. I’ve seen this in action over and over. Good students cheating. Good people taking advantage of friends. On a higher level, nations attacking preemptively out of a perceived need for self-preservation. It happens all the time, and it is us. There is no them. We are the ones who control morality by twisting our crimes into need. We are the ones who believe the ends justify the means.

Don’t call me a good girl. Right behind that is the implication that if I falter, even a little, you’re going to cast me in the role of bad. I’m not that simple or one-dimensional. And neither are you, no matter how much you desperately want to believe you are one of the good guys.

A little help for your sinus problems

by

I’ve had a sudden onset of sinus problems in the past few months. My oral surgeon assures me that these problems have nothing to do with the dental surgery that immediately preceded them. Because there is no connection whatsoever between the mouth and sinuses (inform the otolaryngologists that theirs is sham field). On the subject of ENTs, did you know that ENTs are actually surgeons, and if you go to one for help, they have nothing to offer in between Nasonex and surgery? Well now you know.

My real point is that with some experimentation, I’ve found a few good products that I didn’t previously know about. I’m sharing in the hopes of helping someone else by cluing them in about these surprisingly little-known gems.

Note: I’m leaving out mention of sinus rinsing and plain saline sprays because everyone knows about them and there’s a glut of information for them. Also, if sinus rinsing or plain saline spray is all it takes to keep you clear, then YOU DON’T HAVE SINUS PROBLEMS. What you have is normal sinuses. Consider yourself lucky, and stop telling people that rinsing cures everything.

 

First, an exercise

This won’t clear your nose for more that a few minutes, but it can be very helpful to unstuff things before using a nasal spray (assuming the congestion is inflammation and not mucus).

Exhale. Pinch your nose shut and hold your breath. Nod your head up and down, and continue until you can’t hold your breath any more. Breath through your temporarily clear nose.

Conclusion: You’ll feel like an idiot, but it works for a few minutes. That’s all the time you need to use a sinus rinse or spray.

 

Naturade Nasal Spray, Saline & Aloe

This is a nice step up from a plain saline spray. It’s isotonic (meaning it’s the same level of saline as in the human body). In addition to the aloe, there’s a few other extracts in it that give it a gentle boost for clearing sinuses. It’s low-level help, but sometimes that’s all you need. One of the great things about it is that it’s cheap and relatively easy to find (I got it at Whole Foods).

Oddly, the price is higher on Naturade’s website than what I paid at WF.

Conclusion: A good saline spray with just a little extra.

 

Xlear Nasal Spray, Pump Mist

This is a great Afrin alternative. I’ve told so many people about it that a friend asked if I was being paid to shill for them (they should pay me, but they don’t). It’s hyperosmotic (hypertonic), which means it has a higher saline content than the human body. That means it dries you out more. It also contains the sweetener xylitol, so when it runs down the back of your throat it’s tasty (you just can’t underrate how nice that is compared to some other things you might spray up your nose).

It’s not as strong as Afrin, and it might take just a bit longer to kick in. But here is the awesome part. Unlike Afrin, it’s not addictive, and it won’t damage your sinuses and sense of smell like Afrin can. So you can use it every day if you need it. Seriously, no more “three days only then suffer if it hasn’t resolved.” The only down side is that it is meant to dry things out. So it’s highly effective for clearing mucus, but might not be as helpful if dry, inflamed swelling is your problem.

The manufacturer insists that it’s pronounced “clear,” but everyone I know calls it “x-clear” to clarify that they’re referring to the product and not the condition. The company also happen to be pretty good at social media (they always thank me when I talk about them on Twitter) and they have a good store locator feature on the Xlear website (look in the nav bar at the top). In Austin, you can find it at Whole Foods and the Vitamin Shoppe, as well as a few other places.

Conclusion: Freaking awesome.

 

Sinusoothe Nasal Spray

This is the Holy Grail of sinus sprays: it’s expensive and ridiculously difficult to get. It’s an isotonic saline spray that contains a number of essential oils. It claims to be anti-inflammatory, anti-bacterial, anti-viral, and anti-fungal. I didn’t even include the entire list of claims from the Sinusoothe website, and if you go look at it, it’ll set off your bullshit detectors. The amazing thing is that, in my experience, most of it is true. This stuff actually heals sinus passages like nothing else I’ve tried. I’m still skeptical about their anti-allergy claims as I haven’t had an opportunity to test that (though we’ll get to Cedar Fever season soon enough). If you have a cold, Xlear will do it for you, but if you have a sinus infection or chronic sinusitis, Sinusoothe is what you want.

Here’s the big problem. The manufacturer is in the UK. Which is great if you live in the UK, but if you live in the US like me, you have to mail-order Sinusoothe. And it comes via Royal Mail. In one to two weeks. At $30 a bottle.

About that .64 ounce size: I kept track with my second container, and I got 125 sprays out of it before it got down to the bottom (with a little bit left that was really tough to get the sprayer to pick up). So if you use it only twice a day, one spray in each side, it’ll last a month. But odds are good that if you, like me, have become desperate enough to order it, you need a lot more than the minimal amount. So it goes from expensive to damn expensive.

If you order six units at once, you can get a seventh one for free (I’m desperate enough for a product that works that I did that). The instructions tell you to skin-patch test for allergic reaction first; since most companies simply say not to use if allergic to the ingredients, their added instructions of how to test is a nice touch. I should probably also warn you that some reviews complain about it burning. I got used to it so fast I never even think about that. Either those people are wussies, or their problems are too minor for this stuff. When you get to the “holy shit, I would KILL to get my nose working again” state, then you’re ready.

Conclusion: Freaking awesome. For me, it was worth the money and the shipping time. Though if you need something now, the shipping time might be a deal-breaker.

 

So there you have it. Three levels of sinus spray help, and one exercise to clear you out enough to use them. If you’ve had a different experience, or you’d like to recommend something else, please speak up and comment.

My favorite insult

by

“I once read an Isaac Asimov novel where two parallel universes created energy by trading a tungsten particle back and forth between them, and then polygons started having sex. And that still made more sense than your book!”

It took a moment to get my brain back in gear and respond. “Wow. That was AWESOME! Hold on, I have to write that down.”

I know my daughter well enough that I wasn’t at all surprised when she didn’t appreciate the synopsis of my book. But the breathtaking majesty of the insult she hurled at me was stunning. She clearly put some planning into it. My first reaction was mixed shock and pride that she’d read The Gods Themselves. Followed by a misplaced sense of flattery at being compared to Asimov, even in this extremely negative context.

I’m sure she’s trying to help by thickening up my skin a little. This is how we show our love and support.

Ah, family. The killers of dreams.

That’s a lot of bull

by

Literally.

brangus bull
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a Brangus bull. He resides on my father-in-law’s ranch, southeast of Austin. Brangus cattle are a cross between Brahman and Angus, gaining superior characteristics of both: they’re hardy, heat-tolerant, and tasty.

My father-in-law loves me because I drive a pickup, and I can talk cattle. I might have lost a few points mixing up some of the Angus and Brangus. But I did properly identify the Herefords. As long as we avoid politics and just stick to talking about the ranch, everything is great. Knowing your safe topics and staying there makes getting along a lot easier.

Four ways to discourage us from reading your review on Goodreads

by

I have a pattern with reading reviews on Goodreads. A quick scan through the first ones up (which will conveniently be topped by reviews by anyone I’m friends with). The enthusiasm of those (or lack thereof) leads to whether I should check highest, lowest, or mid-range reviews. Just to get a well-rounded overview.

I don’t always read the full lengths of reviews. There’s got to be something there to entice me to click the More link and read the rest. But there are ways to guarantee that I’ll skip a review, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this.

1. Copy the book blurb into the top of your review. Really? I already saw that. The odds that anyone skips the summary to go straight to reviews is approximately nil. You’re adding zero value with that. Maybe you follow the summary with brilliance, but I highly doubt it, and I won’t bother to find out.

2. Post a link to your review on your own blog. I know, you read somewhere that this is a clever way to drive traffic to your site! But you forgot that there’s a whole lot more reviews here. Why would we waste time going to another site to read only one? You just became Self-Promoter Guy, the person that others edge away from at parties because all you ever do is talk about yourself and try to sell. People hate that guy. Don’t be that guy.

3. Make your review book-length. Scroll, scroll, scroll, tl/dr. It’s lovely that you have so much to say. Learn to edit.

4. Add lots and lots of animated gifs to illustrate your points. I’ve seen added images done well a few times. Very few. I thought about demonstrating the point here, but just suffice it to say, it screams of TRYING!WAY!!TOO!!!HARD!!!!!

Well so what, you say, I don’t care if a few narrow-minded people won’t read my amazing and life-altering reviews. Liar! If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t bother to post a review. Part of the benefit here is potentially finding like-minded people to link up with. If you scare them away, you aren’t doing yourself any favors.

Admission: So far, I have a whopping one review that has any likes, and I suspect it’s more the political aspect of the book itself rather than any real skill on my part. But I do have a few ideas of what not to do—all the things that really annoy me in other reviews. It’s a handy guideline for all kinds of things.